THE (X)MAS FILES

 

                        THE X(MAS) FILES

Mulder:         We're too late. It's already been here.
Scully:         Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing.
Mulder:         Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir,
                truncated, mounted, transformed into some sort of shrine;
                halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by
                the chimney...
Scully:         You really think someone's been here?
Mulder:         Someone or some THING. Scully: Mulder, over here -- it's
                fruitcake.
Mulder:         Don't touch it! Those things can be lethal.
Scully:         It's O.K. There's a note attached: "Gonna find out who's
                naughty and nice."
Mulder:         It's judging them, Scully. It's making a list.
Scully:         Who? What are you talking about?
Mulder:         Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could
                travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants.
                Once each year, near the winter solstice, this creature is
                said to descend from the heavens to reward its followers and
                punish its disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite.
Scully:         But that's legend, Mulder -- a story told by parents to
                frighten children.  Surely, you don't believe it?
Mulder:         Something was here tonight, Scully. Check out the bite marks
                on this gingerbread man. Whatever tore through this plate of
                cookies was massive -- and in a hurry.
Scully:         It left crumbs everywhere. And look, Mulder, this milk glass
                has been completely drained.
Mulder:         It gorged itself, Scully. It fed without remorse.
Scully:         But why would they leave it milk and cookies?
Mulder:         Appeasement. Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its
                wilding.
Scully:         But if this thing does exist, how did it get in? The doors
                and windows were locked. There's no sign of forced entry.
Mulder:         Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace.
Scully:         Wait a minute, Mulder. If you are saying some huge creature
                landed on the roof and came down the chimney, you're crazy.
                The flue is barely six inches wide. Nothing could get through
                there.
Mulder:         But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions.
Scully:         You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?
Mulder:         Exactly. Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was
                a child my home was visited. I saw the creature. It had long
                white strips of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head.
                Its bloated torso was red and white.  I'll never forget the
                horror. I turned away, and when I looked back it had somehow
                taken on the facial features of my father.
Scully:         Impossible.
Mulder:         I know what I saw. And that night it read my mind. It brought
                me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully. IT KNEW I WANTED A MR. POTATO
                HEAD.
Scully:         I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws
                of physics. You want me to believe in some supernatural being
                who soars across the skies and brings gifts to good little
                girls and boys. Listen to what you are saying. Do you
                understand the repercussions? If this gets out, they'll close
                the X-files.
Mulder:         Scully, listen to me: It knows when you're sleeping. It knows
                when you're awake.
Scully:         But we have no proof.
Mulder:         Last year, on this exact date, S.E.T.I. radio telescopes
                detected bogeys in the airspace over twenty-seven states.
                The White House ordered a Condition Red.
Scully:         But that was a meteor shower.
Mulder:         Officially. Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer
                vanished from the National Zoo in Washington, D.C.  Nobody -
                not even the zookeeper - was told about it. The government
                doesn't want people to know about Project Kringle. They fear
                that if this thing is proved to exist, then the public would
                stop spending half its annual income in a holiday shopping
                frenzy.  Retail markets will collapse. Scully, they cannot
                let the world believe this creature lives. There's too much
                at stake. They'll do whatever it takes to insure another
                silent night.
Scully:         Mulder, I --
Mulder:         Sh-h-h! Do you hear what I hear?
Scully:         On the roof. It sounds like . . . a clatter?
Mulder:         The truth is up there. Let's see what's the matter.